Personally, I believe understanding and comprehending trust begins with acknowledging that trust is not a dare devil defiance bound in human expertise but calm, level headed (and hearted) surrender into God’s supreme boundless power. Trust is not turning an outcome over to another’s skilled ability but relinquishing human inability into the only hands capable of controlling all end results – God’s hands.
Without any if, ands or buts, Trusting God is a blanket statement for me. However, this week while walking with Hospice, as my Dad rebirths into heaven, the demands, and commands, of trust hit home with me.
For almost two decades, the world’s greatest Dad has lived under our family roof. Soon, heaven’s steeple will mark his home. Dad’s spiritual heart 24/7/365 has God’s strongest love pulsing through it. His physical heart, weak and worn, needs state of the art medical management to hold even a faint beat. Coordinating this care has been my charge. This responsibility has now reached a finale bow, and, in so doing, this God shared story defining trust originated.
In all introductory meetings with Hospice nurse/angles, gentle words described the new mindset guiding my Dad’s journey. I was informed ways and things that were absolutely mandatory for yesterday’s existence would, today, change and look different so Dad could compassionately be welcomed into heaven.
Having held all the cards in the deck of my Dad’s care, this was huge change for me. My calling for so long was to give him the best possible life on earth. I, more than anything, want him to see and be with Jesus and my Mother; but the thought of me not being the leader and directing his course was frightening and absolutely foreign to my instinct. I wondered, if and when Hospice decisions seemed counter intuitive to me, could I refrain from the director’s chair and accept and follow the lead of those I did not deeply know? Not without trust, I couldn’t.
Up to that moment, I fully only trusted God, my family and the friends I have adopted as family. Now, I needed to trust whom I did not know. My resolve that I needed to, and could, do this flowed only from believing Dad’s hospice team was both God’s angels and God’s chariot ride to the gates of heaven.
Deep belief in God was always the foundation of my trust. However, I learned while believing in God is a huge part of trust, it is not the entirety. I fast realized giving up control is the second half of trust. Upon hearing some of Dad’s meds would be switched, or discontinued, my feathers ruffled a little. The best Congestive Heart Failure Specialist in the area had fine-tuned the choice, quantity and frequency of each of Dad’s drugs. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” was my outlook. Then God whispered that Dr. Rommel was in charge of keeping Dad’s body alive on earth, but Dad was no longer meant to be stalled in the journey to keep parked on earth. He was now being escorted into heaven. God having put me in the proper gear, I now needed to trust, and entrust, my Dad to whom God had commissioned to help deliver him to his eternal destination.
Over and over again, I found myself, in so many ways, having to trust to another’s lead the course and tools needed to finish paving Dad’s life long road to heaven. I had to keep reminding myself my past management was about keeping Dad from dying; but, now, not dying was over. Eternal living was his new direction and soon to be arrived at destination. Additionally, it would take both new and renewed trust to get him there – my trust in God and in Dad’s heaven bound escorts.
Trust means total letting go and letting God. My life has proclaimed this since entering my teen years. None the less, only this week have I truly realized and understood what ingredients must be had for trust to truly reign in your soul when your heart is raining tears.
God, having broken down the elements of trust for me, enabled me to see the building blocks of trust intertwine into, not only, fuller understanding of trust, but also, complete reliance on God’s assurances. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Uplifted in a Broken Down World 